Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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