there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
