OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
