She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
