I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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