i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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