Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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