he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
