On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
