If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
