Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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