didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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