youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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