I'm gonna have a badass scar
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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