I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
