worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
