I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
