don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
