Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
