My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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