and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
