Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
