I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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