how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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