dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
