there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
