Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
