please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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