Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
