I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
