I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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