took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Michael Bay diarrhea
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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