We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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