You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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