Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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