Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
