My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
