i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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