Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
