Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
