so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
