tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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