my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
