How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
