Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
