I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I need moral support for this bender
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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