Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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