im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
