Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
