I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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