Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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